The Mother-In-Law Collection

Well, like I said,
I stored away some comments and conversations
that I had with my
MIL when she was here for ELEVEN DAYS...

Surprisingly, it is not as many as I expected.
In the past during her visits,
my days were chocked full of bursts of laughter
(at ridulous anecdotes)
or eye rolls out of sight.
But this time she was pretty good.
Quieter.
I'm not sure if it is because she knows
what my reaction will be,
or that she doesn't have the energy
to be quite so cynical anymore...

But, there were a few....
ENJOY!!!!


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"That shirt looks like a small XL to me.
Where is it made?
Oh, that it explains it...Made in Nepal.
Probably made by pygmies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: I'm cooking myself some eggs for breakfast. Would you like some?
MIL: (Look of disgust) Eggs? For breakfast? Do you want me to be sick to my stomach?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MIL: Where are her slippers?
Me: It's the middle of July. She doesn't need slippers on.
MIL: In my day we wore slippers all the time.
(This is when I felt like asking her if that's why she feels the need to wear her shoes inside my house at all times)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MIL: Do they not still sell that meat in a jar for babies?
Me: Yes. They do.
MIL: Do you ever give that to her?
Me: No. She's 2. She eats OUR chicken and ham and beef.
MIL: Well, they add vitamins to that meat in a jar.
Me: Well, there's room for vitamins because they remove the flavour.
MIL: She needs vitamins.
Me: She gets vitamins. In vitamin form. Not in 'meat in a jar' form.
MIL: Well, both my boys ate the meat in a jar.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(At the outdoor wedding last weekend)

MIL: Has anyone tried the outhouse?
Me: I have. It's fine..actually, it is probably the cleanest outhouse I've ever been in.
MIL: It probably reeks just the same.

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(At the grocery store)

MIL: Oh, I need some more Caffeine-free Pepsi.
Me: There it is.
MIL No. That's diet Pepsi. I want Caffeine-free Pepsi.
Me: Are you watching your caffeine?
MIL: No, I'm watching my sugar.
Me: Well, the Diet Pepsi is what you want, then.
MIL: No. The Caffeine-free, sugar-free Pepsi tastes better than the regular diet-Pepsi.
Me: Ok.
(MIL grabs 2 Kit-Kat's off the candy wall. She notices my look)
MIL: I need something sweet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Me, sitting in the backseat with my very smart 2 year old. MIL in the front passenger seat white knuckling the armrest and covering her face with the other hand as Hub drives up north)

Me: Would you like to stop and switch seats?
MIL: No, then I won't be able to watch (through her covered face, she mumbles)



OY VEY.