worries

So, I'm starting to think back
And I'm starting to worry

For some strange reason
I can't shake the image
Of the Anethesiologist
Sticking a needle
Into my spine

Now, not that I actually SAW it
As I was too busy
Curling my back
And keeping perfectly still
As to not paralyze myself

You know how hard it was to keep
"Perfectly still"
While my contractions were
One minute apart

Shaking
Shivering
Crying
But, keeping still
You know

That's not all that worries me

I'm worried I will go into labour
Here alone
With my very smart 2 year old here
And no one else

Hub is an hour away
My parents are 20 minutes away
But they are heading to Florida
And on a cruise a few weeks before I'm due

They SHOULD be home in time
But I still get worried

I also get worried
About having to share "Me"

Let me explain

I look at my very smart 2 year old
And I wonder
"How can I love another child as much as I love her??"

You just will, the books say.
You just will, your friends say.
You just will, your husband says.

But, she already has a look in her eye
When she asks me "where did all my baby blankies go?"
And I tell her I've put them away
For her baby brother

She isn't mad
She doesn't cry
She just thinks and looks at me
And says

"That's ok mommy
I'll share with my baby brother"

(Tears well up now as they did when I first heard it)

It'll be fine
I know

But I still worry.

(PS..hey Nicole? Sorry for the epidural play-by-play...)